In case you haven't guessed by now, I ran out of actual recipes, things I really know how to make, quite some time ago. Now I'm just throwing crap together. But, it's crap ala Dan, and that makes it special. This one's actually a vegetarian meal (if you don't count that little glob of phlegm that they call "pork.")

Warning: You'll need an iron stomach if you actually intend to eat this month's dangerous attempt, but rest assured, I do actually prepare and eat each of these recipes, and if it's just too plain awful, I'll try something else. This one just barely squeaked by.

Here's your grocery list:

• Two cans of Pork & Beans.
• A box of stove top stuffing, with seasoning for pork, of course.
• One medium size yellow onion
• Margerine
• A small pack of pecan bits
• A jar of Paul Newman's HOT salsa (A jar about two inches high and about three inches across.)

Your supplies:

• Two sauce pans - at least a hand span across and a finger's deapth. You need a lid for one of them.
• A big spoon
• A sharp knife
• A big mixing bowl

The hardest part of this whole endeavor is making the stuffing, and that's a lot easier than sinking a ten foot put, so don't even worry. Put 1 2/3 cup water into one of the sauce pans along with a big ol' glob of margarine and the seasoning, which is in the little packet. Turn the fire up and let it cook.

Once it starts boiling, turn the fire on low, put the lid on, and let it simmer for five minutes.

Put the two cans of pork & beans into the second pan and get them heated up.

Now chop up the onion and you're almost done.

After the seasoning has boiled for five minutes, stir in the crumbs, then turn off the fire and let it stand for another five minutes to soak up the water.

Once that's finished, the big moment arrives. Put the stuffing in the big mixing bowl and pour on the beans, the onion, the pecans, and a half jar of the hot salsa. I used the whole jar because I didn't know any better, but it turned out okay for me. It's all right if you can't handle the whole jar. I understand. You don't have to be ashamed if you can't handle it.

Now stir it all together and stand back and look at what you've got. It's really nothing but a big pile of food, spicy food, spicy food with a single attitude. The beans and stuffing are really just a delivery mechanism for the heat.

Serve it in a bowl with peanut butter sandwiches.

Suggested beverage: beer - a lot of it.

Chow (and good luck!)

:^D