You know what it's like being single. You've got a full work day, then softball, or the golf league, or a class in rock climbing. You need to cut the grass, do the laundry, pay your bills, remember your cousin's birthday, get ready for the party, clean up after the party, party, walk the iguana, take back the two video tapes you rented but didn't get around to watching, get the lawn mower fixed, get the cat fixed, do the dishes, and, oh yeah, if you have time left, eat. That is, if you managed to go to the grocery.

You've got stuff to do. It's too easy to end up back at home around 9:00, open the refrigerator, look at the ketchup and mayonnaise bottles and wonder how they would taste on the left over Ritz crackers that someone left. Sure, you could put your shoes back on, drive up to the grocery, buy food, stand in line, and all that, but it would be nice just to have some emergency rations standing by.

1. Spam, Rice, bullion

They don't go bad. Just fill a bowl with water, add a couple bullion cubes, a cup of rice and a can of spam, and microwave it for five minutes.

2. Pancakes, Syrup

You should always keep instant pancake mix on hand. Be sure to get the kind that needs only water. You don't want to be caught with no eggs and spoiled milk. If you run out of syrup, mix equal portions of sugar and water together and cook it on the stove top. It'll do.

3. Instant Oatmeal

Okay, not your favorite, but it never goes bad. It can sit in the back of your cupboard until you really are that desperate. Then just mix with water and microwave. You'll probably get something edible out of your efforts.

4. Kool-Aid

Not for a meal, of course, but as an emergency replacement for orange juice or Pepsi. Always keep a spare five pound bag of sugar.

5. Soup

If you don't have at least three cans of Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup, what's wrong with you? You can always rinse out a dirty bowl, ignore the hardened milk ring and have some soup.

6. Peanut Butter and Crackers

It's not much of a meal, but it will hold you through the night until you can get a MacDonald's breakfast value meal on the way to work.

7. Microwave Popcorn

You've probably already got a couple of these left over that you picked up at the video store but never popped because you still haven't had a chance to see that Rob Roy tape you rented.

8. Pretzels and Chips and assorted party left overs

This isn't the most nutritional alternative, but if you eat enough stale pretzels, you can at least loose your appetite.

9. Sympathy from old girlfriends

"Hello, Demi. It's Dan. No, Dan. Hey, do you remember a couple months ago you said you wanted to make me that peppercorn chicken something? Well, no, it wasn't really a fight. Did you think it was a fight? Of course I didn't mean that. I've been thinking about you. Great! Can you make it over tonight? Not tonight? Well no, I haven't seen the weather report from Hell, but ... oh, it's still good and hot is it? I see. What about we ... Demi? Are you there?

10. Pizza Guy

Always keep a special twenty hidden away so that if everything else fails, you're only a phone call away from a mouthful of hot, greasy, cheezy mana from the pizza guy. Or better yet, you can just have the pizza.

Now, next time you're at the grocery, pick up some of this non-spoilable, keep forever, just-in-case crap for those special, desperate moments.

Chow.

:^D