Being able to cook up a pot of chili is one of those defining elements of the single guy like drinking Pepsi out of the two liter bottle or trying to cram another three shirts into a full wash load. This variant from the spectrum of chili is about as simple as it comes: Basic Hoosier Chili. Here's your grocery list:

• Chili Beans - (Be careful not to pick up the can of baked beans -- unless you know something about chili that I don't.) The type I used is Brooks Chili Hot Beans In Chili Sauce. The can is the large one - 6" tall and 4" on the diameter.
• One pound of hamburger - more or less.
• Box of elbow macaroni.
• Bottle of ketchup - the tall bottle like the ones standing on restaurant tables all around this great nation.

Supplies

• A big pot
• A smaller pan for the macaroni - it should hold about a half gallon of water
• A skillet to cook the meat, something with sides - don't use a griddle - too much grease
• Something to measure with - a measuring cup or a big coffee mug
• Fork

Open the beans and dump them in into the big pot and put it on the stove on a low heat. Pour in a full can of water and stir it up a bit. Put the skillet on the stove on a medium heat and drop in the hamburger. Break it up with a fork and let it start to sizzle.

Measure about a cup of macaroni and put it into the pan. Put in twice as much water - about two cups. Cook on high.

Now that everything is sizzling and bubbling nicely you can now step back and relax for a moment, marveling that you, yes you, can cook something more interesting than a microwave TV dinner. Keep stirring everything with the fork, especially the meat. Turn the brown side up and let it sizzle on medium heat. Don't eat the raw hamburger; it's probably crawling with deadly bacteria, so cook the HELL out of it.

Wait for the macaroni to boil and then stir it until it comes to a hard, rolling boil. Let it boil for a couple minutes, stirring it now and then so the noodles don't stick to the bottom of the pan.

Turn the fire off under the macaroni and crank up the meat to high until it browns or you get tired of stirring it. Be sure not to leave any redness in the meat. Never leave the meat unattended while the fire is on high, unless you have plenty of insurance. After a couple minutes when the meat is well done, turn its heat off.

Now take the macaroni over to the sink and pour out the extra water. Don't pour the noodles down the drain; it's okay to leave some water in the pan.

Dump the macaroni into the bean pot and then dump in the meat, grease and all - yum! Stir it all in and finally dump all the ketchup into the brew.

It's a good idea to take the greasy meat skillet over to the sink, run some water into it and a small squirt of dish soap. In a couple days, it'll be ready for the dishwasher.

Let the big pot bubble and boil for another fifteen minutes. Stir it now and then to keep it from burning on the bottom.

Now turn the fire off. You're done.

Serve it in a cereal bowl with peanut butter sandwiches.

Suggested beverage: beer.

Leftover tips: Once it's cooled down, put the whole pot in the refrigerator. When you want more, dip out a bowl of the cold, greasy sludge and microwave it for five minutes. It's good as new!

When the pot is empty, I recommend washing it all up and starting over, but there are those who prefer to put the last few beans back onto the stove and start right in with the next pot.

Chow!